Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Put Me In Coach

Tomorrow starts our annual excursion into the great world of competitive sports known as co-ed recreational softball. The team Sylvia and I play on consists mostly of people over 35 (some substantially more over 35 than others...) whose primary activity for the year is getting thrown out on their way to first a couple dozen times a summer. Fortunately that describes most of the teams we play against as well. Suffice it to say you're not going to be catching any of our highlights on SportsCenter Thursday morning. In fact catching is something that will rarely occur during our games at all. Thank god for the mercy rule.

For the second (or third?) year in a row I've been tapped to be one of the coaches. I couldn't make it to the team meeting where that was decided thereby ensuring my position as coach since anyone who was there voted against themselves. I was informed there was a fair bit of "Phollower doesn't have a job anymore. He's not doing anything."

So it goes.

Being a coach for adult rec softball really doesn't involve too much besides setting the line-up every week. But that's the pain in the ass that everyone else tries to avoid. See, there are almost always more players than there are positions so some people will only play a half game. As coach I have to decide who those people are. Which, of course, often leaves those people pissed at me even though I do my best to have everyone play the same number of half games throughout the course of the season. I try to maintain the attitude of "If you don't fucking like it, you be coach next year" but I still stress over it every game.

I usually play shortstop for our team (clearly showing where we stand as far as player quality goes) and, even though I know it's god-damn-coed-rec-league softball, I still get as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs before every game. But that's just how I roll. I love playing but am always terrified that I'll be the one that fucks up. Making it more likely that I'll be the one that fucks up. If you don't fucking like it, you be the shortstop next year.


MrsOz said...

You people never listen.

No good deed goes unpunished.

But they are lucky to have you.

1914 said...

Dear coach,

My Mom says I'm the best player on the team and that you should play me more. I know that I'm so slow that you can't tell if I'm moving unless I'm near a fence post so that you have a point of reference, I know that the only grounders I stop are the ones that are hit so hard that I can't get out of the way and take on the shin, and I know that when I bat I look like those people on America's Funniest Home Videos trying to hit the pinata, but hey, my Mom still thinks I'm best.

Phollower said...

mrsoz: They are lucky to have me. If I can only make it because I'm decent at softball and not just a patsy who won't say "no" to being coach.

1914: You don't look like you're on AFHV. You've never hit yourself in the nuts. They always do that.

In your mom's defense, none of the things you said about your game play would rule you out as the best player on our team.

Sylvia said...

When I am playing, you'll never be the ONE who screws up.

limpy99 said...

Fine I'll play shortstop. Not that I'll play any better; I'll just be too drunk to care after the second inning.

Phollower said...

sylvia: I always appreciate being part of a group.

limpy: Second inning? Lightweight.