Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Day the Earth Moved

I was just recently given permission to blog about this so I apologize for it being a little less current than most of my cutting edge posts.

About a week and a half ago there was an earthquake in Illinois which was felt by quite a few people here in Indiana. It happened at like 5:20am so yours truly slept through the whole thing. Sylvia however was woken up by the shaking of our bed. It wasn't until later that day while she was at work that she learned of the earthquake though. How, you may ask, does a woman get woken up at the crack of dawn by the rumbling of her bed and not know an earthquake occurred? Let me enlighten you, dear reader(s):

Co-Worker: Did you feel the earthquake this morning?

Sylvia: Ummm, no. What time did it happen?

Co-Worker: 5:20 in the morning.

Sylvia : (to herself) I guess Phollower wasn't masturbating.

When she confessed this to me she said that up until then she just figured if I had needed her to be involved I'd have woken her up, so she rolled over and went back to sleep.

I've been trying to take it as a compliment that the movement of tectonic plates could be confused with me spanking the monkey but I'm certain the earthquake lasted a lot longer than I do. And at my age there aren't any aftershocks, if you know what I'm saying.


Rod Germany said...

I do apologize for the disturbance that early in the morning. What the Imperialist media reported as an 'earthquake' were the seismic after effects of a new weapon being tested. The Cobalt Throrium G bomb.

tysgirl said...

Sylvia's theory explains a lot of mysteries for me. Regarding my bed and my husband, not you.

limpy99 said...

For Christ's sake shut up! Do you know how long it took me to convince my wife that the earthquake was felt in Connecticut.

Phollower said...

rod: Next time Sylvia feels the earth move I'll tell her I'm testing the new Phollower G Spot Bomb.

I hope she's not holding her breath waiting for me to have a successful test run.

tysgirl: For a minute there I thought my "earthquake" could be felt in Tennessee. I guess I'm back to just worrying about my neighbors hearing.

limpy: Sorry about that. If it's any consolation Sylvia is pretty sure I was probably jacking off too and the earthquake just happened to coincide with it. Experience would show there's a fair chance of that.

Elle said...

all I have to say: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

PS. I adore that you get permission to blog about jerking off and earthquakes.

Party Girl said...

I'd take it as a compliment and run with it. Especially the fact that she would be willing to ignore, not be offended that she wasn't woken-up to partake in the plate shiffting movement.

Phollower said...

elle: Do you adore that I was given permission or that I asked in the first place? Either way, it was only a matter of time before this one went up.

pg: If you had any experience with my "prowess" in the boudoir you'd know that the length of time (more specifically the lack thereof) and the level of satisfaction (again, lack thereof) wouldn't be worth waking up for at 5:20 in the morning. But it's nice to know she'd let me finish in peace.