Hi everyone! Phollower Vila here with today's lesson in home maintenance and repair:
Painting a room is a great and relatively inexpensive way to liven up an area and give it a new look and feel. But when contemplating painting your textured ceiling it's important to know beforehand that the texturing will crumble and fall off. A lot. It will also turn your expensive 3/4" nap rollers into worthless, paint covered pieces of shit. This will happen after about 8 strokes which is enough to make the little bit of painting you accomplished stick out like a sore thumb but nowhere near enough to make you think that you might actually be able to do the job without either buying $150 worth of rollers or spending 3 months washing and drying them every few strokes.
So what do you do about this? Well, this is why I said it's important to have this information beforehand. That way you can tell your wife, husband, partner, parent, landlord or whoever suggested such a stupid thing that they can go fuck themselves. This may result in an argument with the aforementioned suggester but trust me, the marriage, living arrangement, lease, or whatever is just not worth the hassle. If you happen to be the idiot who came up with the idea in the first place (as is the case for Phollower) then you can cut out the middle man and skip directly to fucking yourself.
This has been another helpful household tip from Phollower Vila. We'll see you again next time on This God Damn Fucking Piece Of Shit Old House.
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10 comments:
Reason #139 why husbands should never be left unattended.
I'm curious, did you clear this project with Sylvia? Because seriously, even I could have told you this was a BAD idea. But then what do I know? -I have tits.
lk: Now you tell me.
tysgirl: Yes, it was cleared through Sylvia and both of her tits. But neither I nor either of her breasts knew how lousy of an idea it was. Where the hell were your tits when we needed them?
See, I've never had a textured ceiling before so I had no clue. You'd think that something found in so many houses would be a little more, I don't know, paintable than that. But what do I know? - I've got a nutsack. And you can see where that's gotten me.
Well, maybe you could use your nutsack to paint the ceiling.
What? I'm just trying to help.
tysgirl: I'm to the point where I'd try anything. Then again, when something involves getting my jimmies wet it doesn't take a lot to convince me.
I have visions of a late night infomercial advertising the Jimmies Faux Finish Technique.
You're going to be the next Martha fucking Stewart.
In our first house, I tried to paint a dining room that had a ceiling just as you describe. First roll of the roller sent the texture raining down all over me.
I ended up having to seal myself in the room with plastic tarps and sand the whole ceiling with a drywall sander.
I looked like Frosty the Fucking Snowman by the time I was done. Just absolutely covered in white powder.
That was the same house where, when I went to add more insulation to the attic, I discovered that the previous owners had let their cat use the attic as a litterbox for many years. Still pisses me off to think about how nasty that job was!
I think I'd buy a power spray paint gun. Just be sure to cover everything in plasic before you spray.
I think you should note that cutting out the middle man saves time. Why have an extra person get in the way to fucking yourself?
This is why I play poker with contractors. I can get two ceilings painted in about two hours for $120, leaving plenty of time for generally fucking off.
So how did it turn out?
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