One time when I was like 14 or so I was home alone (insert me doing the Macaulay Culkin pose here) and I was playing with hairspray and a lighter. You know, making big flames shoot out of the old school aerosol hairspray containers. Well, the screen in our front storm door had a bunch of flies and other insects on it and putting 2 and 2 together I came up with some number that was clearly not 4. I fired up the old hair spray container and proceeded to burn the crap out of all the bugs. After a few seconds I noticed the screen was turning a sort of grayish color. I thought the screen was just hot or something so I touched it to see how hot it was.
It just crumbled.
Turns out not only will a hairspray flamethrower burn the crap out of bugs but it will also turn a standard house screen into a screen shaped bunch of ashes.
If either of my faithful readers have fathers then they can probably relate to the pile of shit I was going to be in when the aforementioned father got home from work. Lucky for me I was able to find a spare screen, replace the charred one, and promptly took it about a quarter mile behind our house into this grove of trees and buried it under a big rock.
My dad's been dead for a little over 10 years now and it wasn't until then that I felt truly in the clear on this one.
The end.
About Me
- Phollower
- Turn ons: The Buffalo Sabres and Euro-Style board games. Turn offs: Going to work
4 comments:
I was picturing my older brother and I being alone for the summer and left to our own, "doesn't equal four" devices."...and a dad we were terrified of.
Have to ask, where did the spare screen door come from?
pg: It wasn't an entire screen door, it was just the upper half where the window was that was screen. The screen was in an aluminum frame so in the fall my dad would take out the frame that had screen and replace it with a frame that had a glass window and then in the spring put the screen back in. He had a couple spare screens laying around because there were 3 storm doors that all used the same size. I was forever dreading the day when he would go to get a spare, realize there was one fewer than there used to be and promptly beat each of us kids to a pulp until we talked. Then he'd just continue to beat the one that did it.
I'm just kidding about that. My dad very rarely hit us and when he did it was because we fucking deserved it. I miss him a lot.
I'm thinking that if I'd tried to replace the screen I would have wound up fucking up the entire door.
Then I would have blamed my brother.
limpy: The only that saved me is that the screen came in the frame already. You just had to remove a couple screw-in clamps that held the whole thing in place, take the one frame/screen combo out and pop in the new one. Had it been any more difficult I would almost surely not be here to write this reply.
The brother thing would've been better. Damn, where were you 22 years ago?
Post a Comment